The Last Day of My 32

Hi there, whats up?

Here, you meet me at my last day of being a 32 year-old one.

I don't know, is there anyone who read my blog or who still visit this blog due to long hiatus.

Actually, I didn't have the mood to write about my own story or about any thoughts since five years ago.

But here comes a moment when I think that my life is at the lowest point. I really want to write down the details on how it could be my lowest, so many things happened recently. But I also think that it is inappropriate to tell you the details. 

First thing first, this July 2023 was a grief month for me because my father passed away. Since then, many bad things happened in a row like there is no such a sunshine or rainbow in my gloomy days. I don't have anyone to tell because I think no one would care, listen, or just be understanding. After all this time, every time my life was fully packed with problems or burdens, everything was just cleared by myself. I managed to tackle all the problems in my life until it reached its balanced position again. It's no difference right now. But I feel so much overwhelmed that I think these are beyond my body's capability, mentally and physically. Everyday, I need to push myself to my limit and that's very entirely tiring. All the patience that everyone tell me to have, sometimes aren't there. Because I am usually drained of all the positive energy.

Anyway, it will be a long story if I write them here.

I also want to perpetuate here what my late father wanted me to do in our last meeting on April 2023 that:

    1. I should go to pray on time, five times a day.

    2. I should recite the Qur'an everyday for at least one ayat.

    3. I should recite shalawat upon Muhammad SAW wherever and whenever I think I'm alive.

    4. I should pay zakah. 

This is how I should put God first before anything else so that my life will be so much easier and full of light.

It was the last advices from my father. Whenever I remember about our last meeting, I will just burst into tears. What if I knew that was the last, I would be nicer instead of just crying in front of him. My father used to have a hunch about how my life was going on, whether I met the difficulties, may be because his life before was also not easy when he's about my age. He would say something soothing like the above list. He said if I really do that, everything will be OK and I just need to worry less about what will be going on.

Bapak, you were my guardian angel. I may not see you again.. but I hope you could be my satellite orbited around me wherever I am now.