From Aomori to Tongyeong

It’s a note that something ever happened 3 years ago, probably describes a little bit about my pop-site. Well, I intended to visit Aomori and Tongyeong after getting crush on this. That is why I applied to Kyushu and have ever been admitted there but finally the fate brings me to Europe instead of Japan. I have no idea. I am still dreaming to go to Japan with the beloved ones, someday.  

Sekitar tiga tahun lalu saat aku masih muda dan menjadi mahasiswi imut nan pintar universitasgadjahmada, suatu sore menjelang malam di Kos Ibel daerah Sekip Utara Jogja setelah bejibaku dengan laporan magang.

Niha: Bel, what are you doing?

Ibel: can’t you see? I am watching a movie

Niha: what movie?

Ibel: Just come and watch here with me

-----me 5 minutes watching----

Niha: Oh No.. what is it? What’s with that face.. Is he really a man? Why does the actor look beautiful instead of handsome or manly or you name it..

Ibel: come on, let’s finish this one first, just sit and watch. It’s a good movie.

Niha: I am not going to.

Ibel: You’ll regret it. I mean it. It’s a very good movie.

Niha: never.

---- 6 months later ----

Niha: Bel, do you remember the time you insisted to watch a movie in your boarding house, a movie with a beautiful actor casted as a werewolf?

Ibel: When? Have we ever watched it together?

Niha: not yet, but you wanted me so hard to watch it

Ibel: Aha.. I remember. Now what?

Niha: I regret it. I should not judge a guy by its cover. Although the actor is beautiful, but he is amazing and charming. And in the werewolf boy.. really, he can act like a werewolf without saying a word for 2 hours long, and in the end he made me cry. How can it happen..

Ibel: HAHAHAHA… What happened to you? In other words you say that you are adoring him now?

Niha: Yeah.. I watched his recent show in a serial, I am so touched that he could manage to portray a very complicated character perfectly.

Ibel: What serial?

----- This is a story about Maru -----

Maru is undoubtedly smart guy, but he is stupid at the same time. He is smart in a way of how he can afford anything he wants (money, girl, love) with his style and his brain. He is innocent and so kind hearted that he cannot take care of himself from the woman he loves that might harm him. You know, being lunatic is often disadvantageous for someone especially if the lover is stupid and not that sincere. That’s what happens to Maru. Because of his stupidity, he cannot afford his happiness, he suffers from loneliness for 14 years before he really reaches his true love and happiness. He was chased by the love from an innocent girl, from his sister, from his friends, and from his past-lover. All the love from them goes to Maru, but he and his lovers keep taking the complicated path. The path that he took is not something that Maru wants to walk in, but it’s just his life brings him there reasonably. After 14 years, finally he can look back brightly and run to the love and the happiness that he deserves since the beginning. What makes Maru stupid is about his decision to do this and that. However, I find it makes sense when he decides to do so. He does it humanly and reasonably. That’s how I love Maru, you can never blame him, he is an innocent and a bad guy at the same time.

An empty heart and then a changed heart

In the middle of the story, Maru finally falls in love with the innocent girl that he used to revenge in order to get back to his past-lover. He was touched by that girl who barely footed came to his house in the hard-rainy night to confess. He is a gentleman, a good guy in the inside, he cannot help but letting his heart fall for that girl. His heart was so empty before because he was really heart-broken, that he did not know how to go on another day. But, a good girl comes and confesses, he falls in love for the second time and it’s time for him to have a changed heart. Everytime Maru falls in love, he is crazily responsible for that feeling. He will passionately protect the one he loves even if he must torture himself, he will never let her go alone no matter what happens. He will assure that girl is happy beside him. From here, he has a reason to live brightly again. That’s how Maru is.

However, the complicated path that happens to him does not seem to make his experience in loving that girl go simply and easy like what he wants. The fact is that he feels so guilty towards that girl. What he did to her was really bad, ripping off her heart repeatedly. He really loves her now, but he isn’t confident enough whether he can really make her happy or not because of his past lousy life. Although the girl insists to go along with him, to get married, to live together, to have kids, and to grow old together, but he thinks he cannot make her happy, he is afraid of him hurting her again. He thinks that she is just too good to be true. Therefore, he decides to push her away from him as hard as he can, he turns to be a very bad guy in front of her so that she hates him, so that her feeling on him stops there.

The girl leaves as she was rejected by the man whom she loves, Maru. There is nothing that she can do, she cannot beg for love anymore. But one day, she comes to Maru once again with a very different condition. She loses her memory at all, except her feeling to Maru. Because her feeling to Maru was so strong, she tells Maru that her heart remembers him as a good man whom she really loves. This event brings Maru to the confusing intersection. He was about to throw himself into hell because he lost the the happiness and the love. By meeting her again, he is happy but sad at the same time. He is sad because the girl cannot remember what kind of man he was, she cannot remember that he was a bad guy. If he comes to her and builds a happily new life together, what will happen when she finally remembers that he was a bad guy? But, Maru decides to get back to that girl and he will disappear right away if someday she gets her memories back and still cannot forgive him. By that way, he thinks he has a reason to live though only for a while. By that way, at least he can be happy though only for a while. He never wanted anything in his life since all what he wanted never came true while he never did anything wrong. So, just once in this time, he wants to be happy for a while.

He comes to that girl, he gives her abundant love everyday. But, Maru is a really nice guy in a way that although he is living together with the girl whom he crazily loves, he doesn’t want to touch her unless she really wants him to do so. He even has no the idea of how to go on a proper romantic date with her, while he was such a player in the past when he had an empty heart. The situation, that the girl cannot remember how bad he was to her in the past, prevents him to openly express how he greatly loves her. It’s just like, he is more than ready to disappear when someday the girl reveals her memory about him. Maru treats the girl very carefully, he protects her whenever she is in a danger. Maru is a man who never fails to comfort the ones whom he loves with a great charm that you can never hate him. You will end up in a deep regret if you happen to betray him.

It is a relief that a nice person like him finds his own happiness and love after a long years struggle. The character of Maru amazed me because he is complicated, he is extraordinary with all his psychological conflicts. He is different from the characters in other high-rated stories. I find so many people who live normally and that’s not challenging for me to pay attention to. Yeah, that is how a drama and a fiction do for the audience, it creates imaginary life and character that you might not encounter in the real life, or it possibly happens, who knows.

A Dinner Convo

Jude: What romantic standard do you tolerate for two lovers?

Nih: I have no idea right now. Romance is a random little things that I find during the relationship. It's difficult to define or to remember. It just comes out sometimes without being planned. By given a flower, a kiss, or a compliment doesn't always mean a romance for me although I appreciate it.


Jude: I have a good question for you. If only you were forced in a situation that makes you have to choose a guy with different religion but he is so kind or a guy with the same religion but he is unkind, what do you prefer?

Nih: What? I don't think I will encounter that kind of situation in my life. It's impossible.

Jude: why impossible?

Nih: because I will just adore the former one and I will just keep myself away from the later one.

Jude: No no, you have to choose, I want you to imagine it.

Nih: Hmm.. It's complicated. I am not living in a drama. Are you a novelist? Haha..

Jude: ...just searching for some thoughts, well..

Nih: What about you?

Jude: You know me, you should know the answer. Surely I will choose the guy who is kind to me, no matter what kind of situation it is. Religion is no big deal for me.

Nih: Yeah.. It's unimaginable for me to answer your question because we have a very different life, culture, and perspective. I set a rule to myself that I will just get married with a guy who has the same religion as me, and of course a kind guy. If only I were in that situation, I prefer being single for the rest of my life, I think I will be happier by that way. And you can also imagine, that someday I'll surely meet the guy that fits my criteria, I think nature won't let me have no partner for that long. If I ever encounter that situation, I will count it as a temporary bad luck or bad dream, whatsoever.

Jude: So, that's how you escape, dealing with the situation..

Nih: Yup. Only if I were interested in a dramatic life, I would choose one of both situations. I might prefer the first one, because it's a matter of idealism, more intelligent than the second one. Who's a moron who wants to live with the unkind guy who lacks of conscience? She is throwing off her mind, I guess. But hey, I think this situation might happen if I live in the Netherlands, because you know, I am a stranger here, and the other people outside are quite stranger for me too. I live in Indonesia, and I have a huge opportunity to meet the guy who fits my criteria. Statistically speaking, I am sure there are a lot, around 30%, just a matter of choosing which one, then.

Jude: Why do you consider about religion so much? Is that a privacy? You are not going to force your partner to be religious, right? That's not wise.

Nih: That is why I consider about religion for choosing a life partner. Because, I don't want him to be religious because of me. I want him to be religious by his way without any offense from everybody else, including me as his partner. If he has the same religion as me, at least he is religious in a way that I can deal with. Most of all, I am a conflict avoider. I think, there would be many trivial things that could be the reasons to fight with each other if my partner has different religion, who knows. Why choosing that kind of life? I would be happier if I am single. Perhaps, you still cannot accept my reason, but it's just because we are different. I am practicing a religion, while you are not. You cannot imagine what the trivial things that can be the reason to fight... maybe not physical conflicts through the harsh words or something, but psychological conflicts that raise in your deep heart. That's it.

Jude: Do you think your life is complicated, or the other way around?

Nih: Although it's complicated, I choose to see it in a simple way. I have told you that I am not living in a drama. I just enjoy watching or reading a drama, but I am not going to let myself drown in a dramatic life. I will try to always deal with the situation, set my mind at ease and let everything go with the flow. I will hold the things that I can handle and let go of the things that I cannot handle. I think I am happy by that way.



Muntweg at 08.00 p.m.