Decision

I am the one who plans anything at first before I take the real step. But sometimes, when I take a step, it just spontaneously happens without considering, just like the flow of fluids. Especially this night, I feel like fluid. I figure on this day as a journey of a dream. It began with initiating a form of cummunication with someone who can help me to blow interesting thought which I love the most. I don’t know why I feel I have to do this. I am visioner but I just haven’t been able to tell you. Well yeah, I still can not find the missing puzzle. You know, I have to find it before 2015.

The one who I think he can help me invited me to join a discussion in the middle of forest-town café (the place is so comfortable with its frame house style, surrounding by high trees, providing hand-made Coffee from Sabang until Merauke and other unique drinks, and so human) with people in the forum of Pusat Studi Lingkungan. We disscussed about what can be problem solvers in the lacking of resources in Nepal by looking at many perspective from many people present related to Indonesia and many countries right now. I am excited to find another forum besides “mocopat syafaat” or “kenduri cinta” which concern to heal the world. You know, so many people become individualistic in their good life. They don’t know what to do and they get stuck on their way. Finally, they just be consumer, don’t want to be out of track, and go their life with the flow, only.

The one who I think he can help me offered me to do something which I think I really want to do it. I thought before that he would give me some case of problems and I dare to tackle it. You know what? He did. He offered me opportunity, also some choices, very good chance that needs a patient soul and hard effort. Now, I have to rethink it. Why do I need to do it, people? I cant answer it yet, there are missing puzzles. I think I will find the puzzle in every intersection of my journey. Just move, I said to myself.

It isn’t only about I dare to tackle the problem in the field which I think I’m so into it, but also about I dare to take this opportunity. First I take, I have to say goodbye with other good chances. Chances that will make many people’s life safe and comfortable. You can imagine that, right? I mean, I will choose a chance that is so challenging. It can not guarantee myself to live comfortably in this world. But let’s think, what is life if I have to subscribe to all risk insurance? For me, it isn’t meaningful enough, not memorable to human being, that kind of life is just so so. Every advance technology result, sometimes, can not help you to solve the problem, conversely it inhibits you to grow up. It is the time for me to decide and make true all I want. You know, it isn’t easy.

This is part of my journey, not even a result. So I cant share specifically and I’m sorry. I’ll tell you if I arrive at the beginning of my Log phase. I am still in my Lag phase, you know. 

Good night.