Ingin

Tuhan, sungguh hamba malu padamu

meskipun segala sesuatu telah hamba lakukan secara sadar

ternyata hamba masih saja bodoh dan bebal

menjauh dari-Mu memang tak bisa dikatakan nikmat sama sekali

Engkau yang mutlak memang sungguh telak

hamba hanya bisa memohon memohon dan memohon

untuk Kau dekati dan membuat hamba mendekati-Mu, selalu.

aamiin

----  Jogja-Klaten

di malam bertakbir   ----

BCDE-Letter Score, (apa lalu dunia kiamat?)

Hahah.. you gotta be kidding me!

When you get your transcript and find B letter score there, particularly in the subject you’re interested in, how does it feel? Awful, sure.

As for me, I will strike for it till I get A letter score. Score is something makes sense in  instances. It can represent how we are in the term of learning something and how we hang in there. What if I got B in the subject I got into it, it means my performance wasn’t good enough. And I still have capability to stand a show. May be you call me perfectionist. But I’d rather think it’s because I want to present the best performance for the two lovely people, Ayah-Ibu. I will feel ashamed of the result only because I cant be total. Moreover, something you are interested in is a special thing for you, right? Nothing wrong to achieve the best. Not only it can be a gift for the people around but also you’ll be in your glorious moment,  just for a while though.. but you’ve been won!

I do not say this because I’m perfect and an expert in almost all subjects, just to tell you that if you think something needs to be stroked for, so just put up a good fight.

I know, B letter score isn’t as bad as we get C, D, or even E letter score. Many people think the score is just a score, there will be other valuable things to be seen and of course more appreciable.  They think it’s babyish problem, keep complaining and feel sad inside while finding bad score in their report. This theory makes people lazy to fight more. But I can put up with it, whatever floats your boat.

Don’t expect others to appreciate you if you can’t appreciate a good struggle on you.

Some Words from Bin, too

I think that now is the moment when I'm remembering you so much. You know that my "jejak Bumi" directory had been lost. I can't restore it, and I miss it, because... there were you, my lovely prince ever. I opened another directory, I found only one love letter. Letter that made me want to recall my mind 2 years ago, when we was a new good-example couple. :)

Here it is about Ichi Rittoru No Namida, a-too-lately-founded Dorama. It's created November 3rd, 2009.

Should I speak of my conclusion? Oke, I regard that dorama.

Yea, I got the point that make you love this dorama so much.

Different from other doramas and has made many people carried away by all words of Ikeuchi. What a tearful! What a touchy! But if you rely on me, I didn’t need any handkerchief!! Haha you were wrong. Twice my tears came to drop. Just twice along I kept an eye on Ichi Rittoru No Namida…hehe it was not like your guessing, right? And I just couldn’t imagine when you were starting to cry until this dorama ended up.

So, were you like ux-san said about? No need 5 minutes to make tears coming drop!! weren’t you? Hahaha, nonsense.

Someday, I want to watch other melancholic’s beside you, only you and me, so that I’m going to have more laughter in my life. :D

And when did I have those tearful eyes?

1.        Firstly when Aya was getting meet with Asou in the raindrops, with the bloody knee, on the Higokoushi Bridge, and of course, and always the Konayuki song for back sound. Why was this scene? Because I wonder, “Akhirnya dapat juga kiriman Bumi. Sui bangeeeeeeeeeeeeet! Angin wis berbalik arah, Jati wis menggugurkan daun-daunnya pilm’e lagi tak tonton!”.

And another reason, it reminds me of my senior high school, when you lent me your flash “Apacer”. Then I saw what I saw yesterday. That’s about “Konayuki clips”. Thereafter you said, “someone gave it to me”. And I made a smile to you, but you didn’t see it. And I don’t even know why I wished you aren’t going to see it, never see it. It’s just so sweet to remember that, I guess you do.. also.

2.      Secondly I have those tearful eyes, I have told you before, is on session 8. I don’t know why I started to become sympathy. Felt if only I were Ikeuchi Aya. Moreover, round her oration. She talked openly. I like one quote of her, “How I am right now. I want to like how I am now!”. Because it’s getting more and more difficult when she would see no hope, when she can’t see the path of how she can live, or when she can’t see the small light of hope. For me, it’s hard to say “I’m not giving up”. Yet I know there wouldn’t be if she started to like how she is now. With thankful, someone be easy to live on, even to go forward. Then everything would work miracles.

Heh, in session 8, there’s good sight. You know, a corridor with ‘A – 1’ board above the door of the class when Ikeuchi walked quietly out the school with Okaasan beside her. Then, when she went on to leave her school on a wheelchair and Okaasan-Otousan went by her side. I really like this scene. I guess the corridor wants to reach some rays of sunlight. It’s getting more and more mournful circumstance. :) but that’s beautiful scenery.

It’s just like when I’m having a seat beside my window and feeling the sun of twilight reaches my eyes. I pleased that moment.

About friendship there, you said this dorama has told us how to be really good friends. I suppose yap. But I’m telling you now. In case of me, the situation is getting different now, hhe… there’s no kind of that friendship anymore. Just two or even one person making it’s such a good idea to keep around company. I suppose that kind of friendship is just in my secondary school. Just in that youth.

That’s all, did you get the point? I hope so… hahaha.

Nice, arigatou!

Iie doo ita shimashite

Honey and The Bee

Don't remind me that some days I'm the windshield  
And other days I'm just a lucky bug As cold iron rails leave old mossy trails Through the countryside
The crow and the bean field Are my best friends, but boy I need a hug
'Cause my heart stops without you  
There's something about you that makes me feel alive
If the green left the grass on the other side I would make like a tree and leave  
But if I reached for your hand, would your eyes get wide?
Who knew the other side could be so green?
Don't remind me, I'm a chickadee in love with the sky  
But that's clearly not a lot to crow about  
'Cause when the stars silhouette me, I'm scared they'll forget me and flicker out
I taste honey but I haven't seen the hive  
Yeah, I didn't look, I didn't even try, But still my heart stops without you  
'Cause there's something about you that makes me feel alive
If the green left the grass on the other side I would make like a tree and leave
But if I reached for your hand, would your eyes get wide?  
Who knew the other side could be so green?
We are honey and the bee

Backyard of butterflies surrounded me, And I fell in love with you, like bees to honey  
So let's up and leave the weeping to the willow tree, And pour our tears in the sea
I swear there's a lot of vegetables out there that crop up for air , And yet I never thought we were two peas in a pod
'Til you suddenly bloomed, I knew That I'd always love you, oh, I'll always love you too
If the green left the grass on the other side I would make like a tree and leave  
But if I reached for your hand, would your eyes get wide?  
Who knew the other side could be so green?
If the green left the grass on the other side I would make like a tree and leave  
But if I reached for your hand, would your eyes get wide?  
Who knew the other side could be so green?
And if I reached for your hand for the rest of my life  
Who knew the other side could be so green?

Owl City

Your Graduation

This day is your great day. Many people told me that graduation will be one of the most impressive moments in one’s life. I keep imagining, it is when the beloved people come and feel satisfied because of you. They keep screaming because of being delightful. They neck to each others, bring you primrose and many gifts. They tell you that they are proud of you and smile, finally you graduate.

Yes, finally you graduated from your tertiary school, STAN. And... Great! Because I wasn’t there, I didn’t come to you and brought much smile which is happiness sign. I'm sorry, dear... I wish you a great and happy day along the graduation. Here, I was thinking of you. I had on the brain of you. My day was mournful because some people keep asking me why I’m not there. Some of my friends asked me to go along with them in having a great lunch in El Kost. But I said that I couldn’t join. This is how I had to go Laboratory and finish my work there. I stired up my self so that my day wasn’t too blue…

Good bye today…

Another phase was ended up. But every stop doesn’t stop at all because this world is spinning around. This world is spherical, right? You are what you choose, you’ve chosen to be civil servant. You know what consistency is. You have such a play role in this drama of life. I do hope, you can make it successful in every step. I wish you can be very useful for others. Your life must be so meaningful for you and for the dearest people around.

HAPPY GRADUATION, CAHYA WISNU ARDI…!! ^^

From Napi Oppa

It seems I'll do some variations there.. though
But this represents how we're still keeping in touch.
Thank you for every helping hand, Oppa ^^

Tiap Ramadhan

, saya selalu teringat :
1. Guru ngaji saya, almarhumah mbah Salami. Maafkan muridmu ini yang nggak pandai menjaga amanahmu, beri saya syafaatmu..
2. Teman Ngaji saya, mas Affif (sekarang kabarnya dia berada di PP. Al Munawwir, 100 meter dari pondokan KKN saya.. but still I can't reach you.)
3. Mbah Damsiri, Imam masjid Serang Kusuma, Batur, Ceper, yang sudah sepuh tetapi masih sangat bersemangat menjadi Imam masjid, meski sakit mendera beliau menjadi Imam dan terlihat sehat.
4. Kampung Halaman, yang sangat khas suasana yang terbangun di kala Ramadhan, tak kutemukan di tempat lain.
5. Suara-suara yang kuanggap suara surga itu, hanya di langit kampung halamanku.
... namun aku jauh, jauh dari itu semua saat ini. Kembalikan saya :(