10s vs 20s

Hai,

Baru saja aku membuka folder-folder lama jaman aku masih kuliah S1 di Jogja dulu. Aku yang familiar dengan isi folderku sekarang, merasakan betapa berbedanya aku sekarang dari aku yang dulu. Berbeda dari sudut pandang pengetahuanku akan isi dunia ini. Dulu aku udik sekali, betapa terasanya bahwa dulu aku benar-benar orang yang datang dari desa lalu hijrah sementara ke kota Jogja yang tidak bisa dibilang metropolitan. Aku orang yang tidak pernah pergi kemana-mana. Paling jauh aku pergi ke Jakarta, itu pun cuma sekali karena tabunganku tidak banyak. Selain Jakarta, aku hanya pergi ke pelosok desa-desa di perbatasan Jawa Tengah dan Jawa Timur. Itu pun kusebut piknik. Padahal dalam diri ini waktu itu sangat penasaran dengan isi dunia ini, di dunia ini ada apa aja sih?, orang-orang di luar sana seperti apa sih?, apa yang tidak kutahu?, sudah benar belum ya kalau aku bersikap begini dan begitu?. Segala pertanyaan ingin aku temukan jawabannya. Tidak heran, waktu itu aku memiliki mimpi yang waktu itu juga bagi diriku sendiri terbilang mimpi setinggi langit. Aku ingin terbang naik pesawat ke benua lain dan melihat kehidupan di sana semacam apa. Aku tidak ingin membaca majalah atau review tentang apa yang ada di luar sana, aku tidak ingin membaca buku tentang apa yang orang imajinasikan tentang sebuah kota dan desa di sebuah negara, aku tidak ingin membaca pengalaman orang-orang yang pernah singgah di tempat-tempat itu. Aku ingin melihatnya sendiri, menyaksikannya sendiri, merasakannya sendiri suatu hari nanti. Waktu itu, aku takut bila aku sudah tau dari buku, majalah, dan cerita orang, aku akan jenuh dan kehilangan mimpi yang setinggi langit itu, aku takut aku akan cepat puas.

Sekarang aku pikir, segala pilihan hidupku sudah tepat. Kini pikiranku sudah mampu menampung lebih banyak hal dari hasil interaksiku dengan segala hal di luar diriku, aku makin lihai bagaimana harus bersikap yang baik di segala kondisi, tidak seperti dulu lagi. Andai saja aku terlalu banyak membaca buku dan menonton film dulu itu, mungkin aku tidak ingin bermimpi tinggi-tinggi, tidak ingin pergi jauh-jauh karena toh aku sudah tau. Mungkin aku tidak jadi terbang ke negara-negara lain, tidak jadi berkenalan dengan orang-orang asing, tidak bisa memahami dan merasakan segala pilihan hidup mereka dan segala keragaman yang ada di muka bumi ini, tidak mengerti mengapa orang-orang asing itu suka belajar ini atau belajar itu, tidak mengerti bahwa tanah di belahan dunia di sini pernah mencecap sejarah menarik yang berlika-liku juga. Oleh karena itu, tidak ada yang bisa kulakukan sekarang ini selain sejenak bersyukur atas semua yang Tuhan berikan. Aku tahu ini tidak gratis. Aku sedang memikirkan cara untuk memberikan kembali kepada segala makhlukNya tentang apa yang sudah Tuhan berikan padaku. Aku ingin menjadi contoh yang baik minimal untuk anak-anakku nanti, bila tidak bisa untuk orang lain. Aku ingin mereka memiliki pikiran, minimal seluas pikiranku. Aku ingin mereka tidak udik. Aku kira, pengetahuan bisa didapatkan dari mana saja dan dari siapa saja. Namun, yang lebih dibutuhkan orang lain adalah daya tampung pikiran yang luas dan hati yang jernih untuk menerima segala pengetahuan itu. Itulah yang aku targetkan, karena udik adalah sebuah keterbelakangan.

Saat ini aku belum berani bermimpi lagi karena aku merasa aku sudah mendapatkan hal-hal baru yang berlebih, yang belum aku transfer balik ke orang lain yang mungkin membutuhkan, yang mungkin masih udik. Life is about taking and giving. I have taken a lot and I want to give half of it.

Surreal

Tiba-tiba dunia ini terasa aneh sekali. Aku merasa sangat surreal, aku tak bisa membedakan mana fakta mana ilusi. Bulan lalu aku sendirian, lalu suamiku datang dan memberiku kasih sayang yang begitu besar. Saat-saat tidak adanya suamiku, aku merasa itu adalah kenyataan seperti biasanya. Ketika suamiku datang, itu juga kenyataan seperti biasanya dulu, meskipun kondisinya sama sekali lain. Ketika suamiku ada dan menyayangi sepenuh hati secara nyata, aku anggap itu nyata. Adanya dia adalah biasa bagiku. Namun kini suamiku pergi lagi. Kasih sayang nyata darinya tiba-tiba lenyap, ia tidak ada di sini dan itu nyata. Namun anehnya aku menjadi tidak terbiasa, aku sangat sedih dan mengira bahwa ini adalah ilusi. Padahal aku yakin ini kenyataan.

Kemarin dia bertanya, "apa yang kamu rasakan andaikan kamu melihatku menikah dengan orang lain?". Aku menjawab "Tentu saja rasanya aneh, tapi sepertinya aku tidak akan berlama-lama sedih karena itu adalah takdir. Aku pasti akan juga menikah dengan orang lain dan menumbuhkan rasa cinta bersama. Memulai hidup baru. Kan aku realistis". Lalu kamu bilang, "kok kamu sebegitu enteng menjawabnya.."

Sekarang, aku pun berubah pikiran. Aku pun menjawab "Aku sangat sedih. Aku tak tahu bagaimana meneruskan hidupku bila melihatmu dengan orang lain".

Jadi, aku sedang sangat surreal hari ini.

Dua minggu lalu aku bertanya padanya "Ketika aku mati dan meninggalkanmu sendirian, apa kamu akan menangis?". Dia menjawab "Aku tidak tahu. Mungkin aku menangis. Kenapa? Kalau kamu gimana?". Aku menjawab "Aku tidak akan menangis karena orang yang kusayangi berpindah ke dimensi yang lebih baik". Dia bilang "Bagaimana kamu bisa memprediksi bahwa kamu tidak akan menangis? Menangis itu bahasa mata. Bahasa mata tidak pernah berbohong. Kalau kamu sedih dan menangis, itu wajar. Bila aku sedih ketika kamu tidak ada lalu menangis, itu bukan sesuatu hal yang buruk. Kamu tidak tahu apakah kamu akan sedih atau tidak."

Hari ini aku pun menjawab "Ya, aku sungguh sangat sedih kamu tidak ada di sini dan aku menangis. Aku tidak bisa berbohong. Mataku tidak bisa menutupi kalau aku tidak sedih. Aku belum siap kehilangan. Maafkan hamba yang lemah ini, Ya Allah."

Jadi, aku merasa sangat surreal. Aku tidak tahu aku sedang dalam realita atau ilusi.

Mungkin kenyataannya adalah bahwa aku masih harus berjuang sendirian, suamiku pun begitu.

From Aomori to Tongyeong

It’s a note that something ever happened 3 years ago, probably describes a little bit about my pop-site. Well, I intended to visit Aomori and Tongyeong after getting crush on this. That is why I applied to Kyushu and have ever been admitted there but finally the fate brings me to Europe instead of Japan. I have no idea. I am still dreaming to go to Japan with the beloved ones, someday.  

Sekitar tiga tahun lalu saat aku masih muda dan menjadi mahasiswi imut nan pintar universitasgadjahmada, suatu sore menjelang malam di Kos Ibel daerah Sekip Utara Jogja setelah bejibaku dengan laporan magang.

Niha: Bel, what are you doing?

Ibel: can’t you see? I am watching a movie

Niha: what movie?

Ibel: Just come and watch here with me

-----me 5 minutes watching----

Niha: Oh No.. what is it? What’s with that face.. Is he really a man? Why does the actor look beautiful instead of handsome or manly or you name it..

Ibel: come on, let’s finish this one first, just sit and watch. It’s a good movie.

Niha: I am not going to.

Ibel: You’ll regret it. I mean it. It’s a very good movie.

Niha: never.

---- 6 months later ----

Niha: Bel, do you remember the time you insisted to watch a movie in your boarding house, a movie with a beautiful actor casted as a werewolf?

Ibel: When? Have we ever watched it together?

Niha: not yet, but you wanted me so hard to watch it

Ibel: Aha.. I remember. Now what?

Niha: I regret it. I should not judge a guy by its cover. Although the actor is beautiful, but he is amazing and charming. And in the werewolf boy.. really, he can act like a werewolf without saying a word for 2 hours long, and in the end he made me cry. How can it happen..

Ibel: HAHAHAHA… What happened to you? In other words you say that you are adoring him now?

Niha: Yeah.. I watched his recent show in a serial, I am so touched that he could manage to portray a very complicated character perfectly.

Ibel: What serial?

----- This is a story about Maru -----

Maru is undoubtedly smart guy, but he is stupid at the same time. He is smart in a way of how he can afford anything he wants (money, girl, love) with his style and his brain. He is innocent and so kind hearted that he cannot take care of himself from the woman he loves that might harm him. You know, being lunatic is often disadvantageous for someone especially if the lover is stupid and not that sincere. That’s what happens to Maru. Because of his stupidity, he cannot afford his happiness, he suffers from loneliness for 14 years before he really reaches his true love and happiness. He was chased by the love from an innocent girl, from his sister, from his friends, and from his past-lover. All the love from them goes to Maru, but he and his lovers keep taking the complicated path. The path that he took is not something that Maru wants to walk in, but it’s just his life brings him there reasonably. After 14 years, finally he can look back brightly and run to the love and the happiness that he deserves since the beginning. What makes Maru stupid is about his decision to do this and that. However, I find it makes sense when he decides to do so. He does it humanly and reasonably. That’s how I love Maru, you can never blame him, he is an innocent and a bad guy at the same time.

An empty heart and then a changed heart

In the middle of the story, Maru finally falls in love with the innocent girl that he used to revenge in order to get back to his past-lover. He was touched by that girl who barely footed came to his house in the hard-rainy night to confess. He is a gentleman, a good guy in the inside, he cannot help but letting his heart fall for that girl. His heart was so empty before because he was really heart-broken, that he did not know how to go on another day. But, a good girl comes and confesses, he falls in love for the second time and it’s time for him to have a changed heart. Everytime Maru falls in love, he is crazily responsible for that feeling. He will passionately protect the one he loves even if he must torture himself, he will never let her go alone no matter what happens. He will assure that girl is happy beside him. From here, he has a reason to live brightly again. That’s how Maru is.

However, the complicated path that happens to him does not seem to make his experience in loving that girl go simply and easy like what he wants. The fact is that he feels so guilty towards that girl. What he did to her was really bad, ripping off her heart repeatedly. He really loves her now, but he isn’t confident enough whether he can really make her happy or not because of his past lousy life. Although the girl insists to go along with him, to get married, to live together, to have kids, and to grow old together, but he thinks he cannot make her happy, he is afraid of him hurting her again. He thinks that she is just too good to be true. Therefore, he decides to push her away from him as hard as he can, he turns to be a very bad guy in front of her so that she hates him, so that her feeling on him stops there.

The girl leaves as she was rejected by the man whom she loves, Maru. There is nothing that she can do, she cannot beg for love anymore. But one day, she comes to Maru once again with a very different condition. She loses her memory at all, except her feeling to Maru. Because her feeling to Maru was so strong, she tells Maru that her heart remembers him as a good man whom she really loves. This event brings Maru to the confusing intersection. He was about to throw himself into hell because he lost the the happiness and the love. By meeting her again, he is happy but sad at the same time. He is sad because the girl cannot remember what kind of man he was, she cannot remember that he was a bad guy. If he comes to her and builds a happily new life together, what will happen when she finally remembers that he was a bad guy? But, Maru decides to get back to that girl and he will disappear right away if someday she gets her memories back and still cannot forgive him. By that way, he thinks he has a reason to live though only for a while. By that way, at least he can be happy though only for a while. He never wanted anything in his life since all what he wanted never came true while he never did anything wrong. So, just once in this time, he wants to be happy for a while.

He comes to that girl, he gives her abundant love everyday. But, Maru is a really nice guy in a way that although he is living together with the girl whom he crazily loves, he doesn’t want to touch her unless she really wants him to do so. He even has no the idea of how to go on a proper romantic date with her, while he was such a player in the past when he had an empty heart. The situation, that the girl cannot remember how bad he was to her in the past, prevents him to openly express how he greatly loves her. It’s just like, he is more than ready to disappear when someday the girl reveals her memory about him. Maru treats the girl very carefully, he protects her whenever she is in a danger. Maru is a man who never fails to comfort the ones whom he loves with a great charm that you can never hate him. You will end up in a deep regret if you happen to betray him.

It is a relief that a nice person like him finds his own happiness and love after a long years struggle. The character of Maru amazed me because he is complicated, he is extraordinary with all his psychological conflicts. He is different from the characters in other high-rated stories. I find so many people who live normally and that’s not challenging for me to pay attention to. Yeah, that is how a drama and a fiction do for the audience, it creates imaginary life and character that you might not encounter in the real life, or it possibly happens, who knows.

A Dinner Convo

Jude: What romantic standard do you tolerate for two lovers?

Nih: I have no idea right now. Romance is a random little things that I find during the relationship. It's difficult to define or to remember. It just comes out sometimes without being planned. By given a flower, a kiss, or a compliment doesn't always mean a romance for me although I appreciate it.


Jude: I have a good question for you. If only you were forced in a situation that makes you have to choose a guy with different religion but he is so kind or a guy with the same religion but he is unkind, what do you prefer?

Nih: What? I don't think I will encounter that kind of situation in my life. It's impossible.

Jude: why impossible?

Nih: because I will just adore the former one and I will just keep myself away from the later one.

Jude: No no, you have to choose, I want you to imagine it.

Nih: Hmm.. It's complicated. I am not living in a drama. Are you a novelist? Haha..

Jude: ...just searching for some thoughts, well..

Nih: What about you?

Jude: You know me, you should know the answer. Surely I will choose the guy who is kind to me, no matter what kind of situation it is. Religion is no big deal for me.

Nih: Yeah.. It's unimaginable for me to answer your question because we have a very different life, culture, and perspective. I set a rule to myself that I will just get married with a guy who has the same religion as me, and of course a kind guy. If only I were in that situation, I prefer being single for the rest of my life, I think I will be happier by that way. And you can also imagine, that someday I'll surely meet the guy that fits my criteria, I think nature won't let me have no partner for that long. If I ever encounter that situation, I will count it as a temporary bad luck or bad dream, whatsoever.

Jude: So, that's how you escape, dealing with the situation..

Nih: Yup. Only if I were interested in a dramatic life, I would choose one of both situations. I might prefer the first one, because it's a matter of idealism, more intelligent than the second one. Who's a moron who wants to live with the unkind guy who lacks of conscience? She is throwing off her mind, I guess. But hey, I think this situation might happen if I live in the Netherlands, because you know, I am a stranger here, and the other people outside are quite stranger for me too. I live in Indonesia, and I have a huge opportunity to meet the guy who fits my criteria. Statistically speaking, I am sure there are a lot, around 30%, just a matter of choosing which one, then.

Jude: Why do you consider about religion so much? Is that a privacy? You are not going to force your partner to be religious, right? That's not wise.

Nih: That is why I consider about religion for choosing a life partner. Because, I don't want him to be religious because of me. I want him to be religious by his way without any offense from everybody else, including me as his partner. If he has the same religion as me, at least he is religious in a way that I can deal with. Most of all, I am a conflict avoider. I think, there would be many trivial things that could be the reasons to fight with each other if my partner has different religion, who knows. Why choosing that kind of life? I would be happier if I am single. Perhaps, you still cannot accept my reason, but it's just because we are different. I am practicing a religion, while you are not. You cannot imagine what the trivial things that can be the reason to fight... maybe not physical conflicts through the harsh words or something, but psychological conflicts that raise in your deep heart. That's it.

Jude: Do you think your life is complicated, or the other way around?

Nih: Although it's complicated, I choose to see it in a simple way. I have told you that I am not living in a drama. I just enjoy watching or reading a drama, but I am not going to let myself drown in a dramatic life. I will try to always deal with the situation, set my mind at ease and let everything go with the flow. I will hold the things that I can handle and let go of the things that I cannot handle. I think I am happy by that way.



Muntweg at 08.00 p.m.

A Love Letter

When I am thinking about you, I am staring at my window pane, trying to look for something in a distance that I can’t really reach. Suddenly, I want to keep in touch with you by sending some messages or greetings that may overcome the yearning. But when I am thinking that you will ask me a question "what are you doing now?”, it’s not cool when I just give an answer “doing nothing, just only thinking about you” because I know you have great expectation in me, you push myself to be great, not just an ordinary one although I don’t know how great or small I am right now. Then I will just think about you at the moment without trying to know what you are up to there. I have different thought that it’s fascinating to realize we are not in a common condition to be in love with each other. I cannot say I miss you when I am missing you, nor I can say I love you when I am loving you because of our totally different business in life. The feelings just stop in my mind, but I think it’s an extraordinary story of us. I can comprehend because I like you the way you are, you always be a great man for me. I believe that the path you are taking is the path where you will definitely meet me somewhere, even though we are in separate ways right now. We have met and tied our bond since long time ago, but I am still waiting for you. I am not going to be exhausted, I am not going to get a rush, and I am not going to feel impatient. I will be right in the place where you can easily find me. Now, let me just look at the wide blue sky outside my window, enjoy your existence in my mind. Someday, let’s go on a date like other couples do. Let’s dream of a love life like other couples have.

I am sending my greetings for you
through the summer breeze after the rain
Although this love is like the dry autumn leaves
It’s colorful and beautiful
If the snowflakes in winter always melt away
I won’t be too sad
Look at the embroidered flower petal
When the spring wind has blown away
I know you will come.

The Joongki's DoTS

Hello, I've been annoyed by my device, it doesn't support to run a program that I really need to finish my thesis. Currently, I've got enough stress to analyze and write down my research progress. So, instead of whining around, I'd just do something that makes me calm and relaxed. What is it? I choose to watch drama! Haha.. you already know that the best drama nowadays comes from Korea, right? Korean drama is number one to dramatize everything, especially when it comes to the common topic like everyday love story. It's been almost 3 years I did not watch any korean-drama. If I'm not wrong, the last drama I watched was The King2hearts, casted by Hajiwon and Seunggi. I was a bit disappointed that it was not as good as Hwang Ji Ni or Secret Garden. Yeah, I told Jung that I like Hajiwon more than any other actresses in the world. But I stopped to watch her drama because I cannot find a special nor good story portrayed by her recently. Oh yeah, have I told you that I got a new friend from Korea last year? He is a namja, older than me, and quiet gentle man I guess. He likes to accompany me attending some western parties held by the western people. Since, we are eastern people, it is very awkward to join the western party alone. So, he set himself to be my partner. When everybody gets drunk, he prefer drinking some juices with me.. he often asked for my help to do many things regarding some little things in daily life, and many other stories. We often share many stories about our countries and the travel experience we have ever been. He said that he was Han Hyo Joo classmate during school-age. Yeah, everybody can always have that opportunity, to be a great star close friend in a certain period of age. Last year, he wanted me to watch My Love from the Stars, but I felt lazy to see Jun Ji Hyun on screen. Last month, I sent him a message that I watched Joong Ki and Hye Kyo in one frame. Guess what? Yup, Descendants of The Sun (DoTS). Haha! That's the latest and newest drama in KBS. Thanks to my landlord who provides highly speed wi fi network, so I can always load the drama on line whenever I want. Jung said that he also really enjoyed the drama, that I pick a good option to kill my boredom. Then, why in the world did I start to watch DoTS? Here are some reasons, also the things I found while watching the drama:

1. I found Kim Eun Suk involved as the screenwriter. I have told you that I love how she finished Secret Garden script, right? She is still the best until now. Above, I also said that I stop watching Hajiwon's drama because her recent drama story is not that awesome for me. DoTS narrated by Kim Eun Suk is quiet stunning, just like secret garden! Every single dialogue is monumental.

2. DoTS illustrates the story of doctors and soldiers in a remote area and overseas. Since I am familiar with a health-professional life story, I want to know how they narrate it into a drama. For me, it is not bad. I was touched by means of the soldiers and the doctors declaring their oaths to become a professional and to willingly serve others. It just reminds me of the same thing few years ago, of the days I prepared some medical aids for the sick people outside. Although, I have no idea about a soldier life story. By watching this, now I know a bit about it. Not so that different from what Jung spoke about his experience in the military service where he was deployed in the demilitarized zone (DMZ), border of Korean peninsula, near the North Korea. Only once he shot guns to create a warning. Woah.. impressive! About a Special Force life story.. I think it's just cool to become UN peace-keeper.

3. DoTS production is something that makes me say.. WOW! If the news said that it's a high-budget drama.. No offense, I guess. Because it took place in Zakynthos, Novagio, and other towns I did not know to create an imaginary remote place named Urk. The casts.. say Hyekyo and Joongki, both are the highest paid korean stars with such great acting talent that's well known worldwide, especially in Southeast Asia. The film properties to depict the life stories of soldiers and doctors dispatched in a disaster area and sometimes in a war zone, it must be sooo expensive. What kind of 16-episodes drama is that? How successful does the director wrap the scenes? It's just interesting for me and in the end.. I am satisfied. Good job. DoTS was very well-produced!

4. Funny dialogues are spotted in either romance or bromance. I regret not watching it with some of my friends who enjoy joking around because I was laughing a lot while glaring at episode to episode. It was really entertaining me. You know, I already guessed that Hyekyo is not good enough acting in melodrama, but she is good enough in rom-com because of her very chick face. For me, DoTS is a rom-com, just like Hyekyo's previous drama, Full House. See, a very high rating per episode was produced in her rom-com, not in her melodrama. Hyekyo is not as outstanding as Hajiwon by means of acting in various genres. Hajiwon is capable to bring herself in melodrama, rom-com, horror, and action.

5. I love action scenes where the charming hero is unbeatable, where the hero is shooting guns to kill the the bad guy, where the hero is drawing a sword to protect somebody, like a gentleman! Haha.. still, gentleman is a hot topic for me. The world cannot stand out without some charming gentlemen, right? That is why I agree with Kim Eun Suk that somebody must block the bullet to create a peaceful world.

6. Song Joong Ki is indeed special. He is brainy. Just like how he was in his previous drama, he is an actor who always brings his magic on screen. How come a very cute guy with flawless face brought himself to be a very manly-charming-witty-romantic soldier like captain Yoo Si jin? I have no idea, but Joongki is perfect. My testimonial about Joongki is as follow: He spends his life-time efficiently. After dimming his ambition to be a talented skater because of an accident, he broke a record to be a genius during his school-age, he could successfully finish his education in a prestigious college in Korea, even prestigious in Asia. He was a famous student with top performance among his colleagues (well, only a few actors/actresses care about having high degree of education or being enrolled in Ivy college, Joongki proved himself exceptional). After graduation, he appeared as a leading role in the box-office film and the hit drama that brought him a fame throughout Asia. He did work very hard to be on that top. Once he ever said that an actor talks to the audience through the portrayal in his projects. It seems that his acting skill is very admirable from here, knowing him pull out impressively the great-yet-complicated character of a compact nice-bad guy as Kang Maru. He is really expert in showing the character's thoughts and emotions, even in showing and controlling the twisted and contrast emotion in a few seconds, through a glimpse of many gestures or facial expressions that stir the audience's emotion for long stretches of time. After all his earlier fame, he listed himself to serve in the military. After two years hiatus, he continued to swing his acting talent with a hallyu star like Hyekyo in a blockbuster drama, DoTS. DoTS is now predicted to be another hallyu after years. It means that Joongki is possibly a new hallyu star nowadays. And.. I remembered that in an occasion, both Joongki and Hajiwon wanted to be paired with each other in one project together. Hajiwon as a senior said that Joongki is a superb actor, yeah I think she has a very good sense and taste to pick who's a really talented actor. Not only professional in acting, skating, or studying in a college, but Joongki also has a well-mannered, considerate, and a humble personality that inspires other people who knows him well. For me who's already known him such that, I find no reason to not fall for this cool guy. That is why, I think it is not a waste to enjoy his appearance in DoTS. At least, I got some things to learn.
 

So, this is a piece of my story, written in the middle of stuck to render some analysis of my research. I will look forward to the other blockbuster drama if there is any, but I think I should finish all these messed works first before doing that. I have a very little time left. You know, I would be like captain Yoo, who is good in his job to not get killed by the enemy. Copy that, Big Boss!

Be a Gentleman!

--- Obrolan kami bertiga sambil sarapan noodle dan pancake di suatu kamar berdinding tebal nan dingin di Muntweg ---

S : Gimana rasanya jadi wanita mandiri? Kita merasa tidak butuh laki-laki lagikah di dunia ini?

N : Tidak juga, kita butuh tentu saja. Bagaimana pun juga ada banyak hal yang bisa dilakukan laki-laki yang perempuan tidak bisa melakukannya, dan sebaliknya. Ada juga banyak hal yang perempuan tidak bisa melakukannya tanpa bantuan laki-laki, dan sebaliknya.

S : Lalu menurutmu, menjadi mandiri itu bagaimana maksudnya?

N : Emm.. susah juga dijawab. Karena tidak sepenuhnya manusia benar-benar bisa mandiri.

F : Jadi, menurutmu sebenarnya tidak ada orang yang mandiri?

N : Menjadi mandiri adalah karena tuntutan keadaan, bisa buatan bisa juga alami. Buatan karena kita ingin belajar survive, alami karena tidak ada jalan lain selain harus mandiri. Memiliki banyak kawan, pasangan hidup, dan saudara adalah anugerah. Karena bagaimana pun sesuatu bila dikerjakan bersama-sama lebih memberi berkah daripada dikerjakan sendirian secara mandiri oleh diri kita sendiri.

F : ...couldn't agree more.

S : ngomong-ngomong, gimana menurutmu laki-laki di Indonesia? Apakah mereka cukup bisa diandalkan dan bisa disebut laki-laki sejati?

N : Tidak terlalu, menurutku.

F : setuju. Bila dibandingkan dengan laki-laki di negara lain. Ketika aku berkunjung ke sebuah negara di Asia yang bukan di Indonesia, aku dapati tipe laki-laki yang berbeda dari di Indonesia.

N : gimana bedanya?

F : laki-laki di belahan dunia sana lebih gentle daripada kebanyakan laki-laki di Indonesia. Mereka tipe yang melindungi dan memberikan rasa aman kepada para perempuan di sekitarnya. Kebanyakan, laki-laki di Indonesia, sejauh aku memiliki teman laki-laki, mereka tidak gentle.

N : Gimana contohnya gentle itu?

F : Mereka tidak merendahkan dan tidak melecehkan kehormatan perempuan di sekitarnya. Contoh, kalau kau memakai pakaian yang “kurang terhormat” mareka akan mengingatkan dan menutupi aibmu, tidak memberikan pandangan wajah yang seolah kau memang patut dinikmati dan dilecehkan. Mereka paham norma, dan berbuat sesuai norma dan adab yang berlaku. Sebagus apa tubuhmu, secantik apa parasmu, bahkan bila tubuhmu tidak indah atau parasmu tidak cantik pun, mereka tahu bahwa kamu adalah wanita yang patut dijaga dan dilindungi. Mereka tidak menjadikan bentuk fisikmu sebagai bahan obrolan dan mainan bersama kawan-kawan mereka. Mereka adalah tipe laki-laki gentle yang aku jumpai di sana, tidak di Indonesia.

N : berbeda juga ya dengan laki-laki di Eropa. Di sini, karena kesetaraan gender sudah begitu tinggi levelnya, jadi laki-laki dan perempuan begitu independen. Perempuan tidak dianggap sebagai makhluk yang perlu dilindungi karena tidak ada lagi yang perlu dikhawatirkan perihal keamanan mereka. Di sisi lain di sini, tidak ada tingkatan pakaian terhormat atau tidak terhormat. Perempuan dengan pakaian minim pun tidak dianggap sedang memakai pakaian “kurang terhormat” dan sebaliknya. Beda budaya sih. Mereka juga menghormati perempuan yang menutup seluruh tubuhnya. Intinya cara pandang antara Timur dan Barat memang berbeda. Jadi gentle di Eropa menurutmu bagaimana?

F : Entahlah, aku tidak begitu tertarik dengan laki-laki di Eropa. Karena kita berbeda cara pandang.

S : Ah iya, perempuan Asia menurutku adalah tipe perempuan yang ingin dilindungi oleh laki-laki di sekitarnya. Mereka tidak se-independen perempuan di Barat. Mereka menikah di usia muda, membutuhkan perlindungan laki-laki sedari kecil, baik dari ayahnya maupun kelak dari suaminya. Perempuan di Barat sama sekali tidak seperti itu pola pikirnya. Tidak ada yang bisa disalahkan dalam hal ini, yang ada manusia di dalamnya harus meyesuaikan keadaan dan budaya sekitar. Kalau berada di lingkungan Timur, ya menjaga sopan santun. Memakai pakaian yang terhormat, karena normanya demikian. Ketika berada di lingkungan Barat, kita mungkin bebas memakai apa saja, namun tentunya kita memiliki prinsip dan idealisme sebagai orang Timur bukan sih? Tetaplah seharusnya kita menjadi orang Timur meskipun sedang hidup di Barat.

F : Satu hal yang aku sukai dari orang-orang di Eropa, mereka menghormati segala pilihan manusia-manusia di sekitarnya. Meskipun kadang sangat keterlaluan pembiarannya. Bahkan bila ada perempuan yang telanjang di muka umum pun, mereka tidak pernah ambil pusing. Seharusnya ada batas yang bisa ditoleransi dan tidak menurutku. Itu juga yang membuatku tidak cocok hidup dengan orang-orang di sini.

N : sewaktu aku ke Turki beda lagi tipe laki-lakinya meskipun agak sedikit mirip di Timur. Mereka tipe laki-laki yang melindungi perempuan, bahkan menurutku kelewat melindungi, cenderung patrialkal. Ketika aku ke grand-bazar tidak satu pun kujumpai penjualnya seorang wanita. Semua isinya laki-laki yang menjualkan barang dagangannya. Suatu kali iseng aku tanya, “Why do I never see woman selling something in the outlet. All I see are men everywhere. Where are the women?”. Si penjual bilang “They stay at home with the kids, they do not go to work especially in the market like this”. Mereka memperlakukan wanita sebagai “sisters” yang musti dijaga dan dilindungi kehormatannya, namun agak berlebihan karena tidak mau membiarkan wanitanya keluar rumah. Kalaupun ke luar rumah harus bersama laki-lakinya, naik mobil pribadi yang aman, sebisa mungkin tidak memakai sepeda atau angkutan umum. Sehingga bila ada wacana bahwa wanita di Timur Tengah kurang bebas, menurutku itu benar-benar terjadi. Hmm.. susah juga ya jadi wanita di sana. Namun aku agak kagum pada laki-lakinya, karena suatu hari ada laki-laki yang berkata “Mohon jangan berteriak-teriak di sini, saya menghormati anda sebagai wanita muslim. Anda berjilbab dan saya berprasangka bahwa anda memiliki sopan-santun.” sembari membungkuk dan menelungkupkan kedua tangan ke dadanya.

S : jadi kesimpulannya, laki-laki di Indonesia itu gimana?

F : mereka tidak gentle, kebanyakan masih menjadikan fisik perempuan sebagai bahan mainan dan obrolan, sungguh tidak beradab. Mereka tidak berusaha melindungi dan menjaga kehormatan wanitanya. Sulit mencari laki-laki yang gentle di Indonesia. Kita sebagai perempuan dan calon ibu, harus bisa mendidik anak laki-laki kita bagaimana pun caranya, supaya mereka berperadaban tinggi sebagai laki-laki yang menjaga dan melindungi perempuan di sekitarnya.

N : I got it.